He kissed a someone with a penis
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
