You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
