Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
