After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
