Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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