yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
