eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
