i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
