A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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