What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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