I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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