so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
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