I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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