Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
