just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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