I cannot find my penis.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
