i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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