I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
