wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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