As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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