I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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