I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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