I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
