She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
