So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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