He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
