So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
