I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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