i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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