I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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