so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What drink are we having for lunch?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
