Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
