She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
