I want you more than these girls want KFC
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
