when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
