my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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