i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
