Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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