Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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