She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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