dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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