did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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