Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
do herpes really smell.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think i got beer on your cat.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
