cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You ate ashes out of my bong
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
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