Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
