Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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