ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
