foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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