I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
