I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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