she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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