felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
as a side note pls kill me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
