is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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