found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
