what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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